Guilt

To show you I'm no hero, and the reality of what such badly controlled Diabetes leads too, between my previous two posts the pain got out of control, and I got grumpy and snappy and morbid, Daynes away for the weekend, so just Wendie and me, she took the brunt of my inability to cope, and I took it all out on her,

I'm not proud of it, I'm not happy about it, I just can't control myself, even now it's 1:43 am. And I still can't sleep, 60% pain, 40% guilt, But that is NEVER Ever an excuse, or Forgivable,

Wendie always forgives me, She LOVES Me ! How she can put up with me I don't understand, DON'T Forgive me, Don't let me off or put it down to the pain, Don't make a hero of me, Wendie does that enough already, just know it's not just the physical pain and the dying, it's not just the Body, that out of control diabetes destroys, it's the soul, it's who you are, it's the beauty in your life,,

I pray I Die before I kill my marriage, before I hurt Wendie more than she can just brush off, I may never ever have been violent, but my words cut my Angel every time the pain takes over, I have to fight to keep my self in control, I have to love back like Wendie always does,

DON'T Do this to your Family, DON'T Be me, DON'T Go down my road, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UNDERSTAND.

Kman
11/1/14