What Is Pain?

Are you sitting comfortably (explanation if needed, later), 

Good then I will begin, 

I want to take you on a journey, to tell you what the reality of PAIN is, not a sore foot, not a migraine, not even the worst toothache you ever had, I want you to know punishment ( No not from God, but from my own body, this is the Truth of what you may suffer If you don't avoid the mistakes I made ), 

Tonight is a bad one, and I really honestly don't expect to get any sleep at all, 

I have many types and strengths or magnitudes of pain, not all of it due to diabetes, I'll try to guide you through what I go through with a hope that I'll scare you witless, 

And be scared, be very scared, because even though I can get nowhere near describing the intensity to you, I aim to make you cry, because you need to be scared, you need to be so scared that you'll never ever neglect you Diabetes again, 

You know in hospital when they ask you to score your pain, from 1 to 10, 

Well tonight, my Pain is fairly typical, even fairly moderate compared to some nights, nightgown being the worst, 

Like I said I have different, and varied pains in various parts of my body, 

Tonight, the pain in my feet ( Both ), I'd rate at 13, Yes Thirteen, and you know in a restaurant where they pick out a Live Lobster, throw it into boiling water and cook it until there colour changes to a deep red colour,now imagine your feet are lobster, have been thrown into boiling water and cooked alive, until they are deep red, now visualise the pain, this is only 13. Out of 10, 

That alone has me screaming for mercy, and that's just one of the pains tonight, 

From my ankles up the entirety of the lower legs, the pain is terrible, imagine some one has exposed every single nerve iand vein n your lower legs, and then, just to make it really painful, they have poured acid, or even molten lava, down them, and then put them back in your legs, of course your skin is also screaming in pain, tonight your legs rate 17, Not the worst this week, a little earlier at it's peak, I was again crying like a baby, Sat with Wendie, laying my head in her arms, and begging her, PLEASE have me put down, anything is better than this, please Wendie don't ask me to fight, I can't fight, 

BELIEVE Me I'm not being selfish, but I really can't cope, I don't really mean put me down, and she knows it, but this pain is killing us both, and she's sobbing with me, but still, the pain drones on, and Wendie went to bed long ago, I'm alone with the dog, trying to place my legs in a position that gives a little relief or comfort, It doesn't come, 

My left knee is riddled with joint pain from the arthritis, and both hips feel like they are in a vice that's being tightened, this alone is at least a 9, and I can't stand without help, 

My hands are also in a tremendous amount of pain, especially the right hand, yes remember I'm right handed,, they are stiff with arthritis, I can barely move most fingers, the right hand had been damaged when I became ill in March,I had a 4 inch abscess in the palm, 3 operations, skin graft, plastic surgery, damage to muscle, nerves and tendons, 5 and a 1/2 months of physio on the hand, and special excercises 4 times a day, every day, for the rest of my life ( LOL ), I only have 1/3 the strength I have in my left hand, and I can't reach to wipemy own bottom, added to this, I have, neuropathic pain and loss of feeling and sensation in the hands, holding a pen or a knife and fork is painful, and almost unbearable after a couple of minutes, 

Most of the time, I can only use one finger to type,and it is always painful to do it, I make lots of typos, and I hate predictive typing on touch screens, so often things come out very wrong, or I lose all my work, 

Pain levels tonight are about 8 in the left-hand,and around 14 or 15 in the right hand, 

I used to Cross Stitch,yes I'm a man, I can't now pick up a needle, never mind thread it with silks, and remember I am on insulin, 

We sometimes babysit for a neighbour, but I can no longer pick up 1 year old Lilly whom I love to bits, 

I Have toothache too, which is unlucky as I only have 1 tooth and that is horizontal, with the gum given over it, I lost all my other teeth a few years ago, they were badly infected, and causing Endo Carditus an infection around the heart that threatened to kill me quite quickly, I really miss eating Cashew Nuts, Crispy Baguettes and other hard stuff, 

Tonight I could quite easily ended it all, but a little while longer with Wendie and our Son, is worth bearing the pain, but if only I could turn back the clock, I CAN'T, and I AM DYING, no chance of saving me, but YOU, well your that's different, you don't have to DIE, at least not for a very long time,

IT'S 1.15 am and this has taken me over an hour and twenty minutes to type, please, don't ignore it, don't think it won't be you, stay well, look after yourself, 

And PLEASE PLEASE don't you DIE in the excruciating agony my family are suffering !!!

Kman 
9/11/13