l Am Not Brave

Right now the pain in my hands, arms, feet and legs is more unbearable than I could possibly describe, for the last 2 1/2 Days I have had Crocodiles eating the bones in the entire length of all the aforementioned limbs ( for explanation read earlier posts ), whilst someone pours King Cobra venom through my veins before dipping my skin into industrial solvents. .... ok so now you think I'm being overly melodramatic right ? 

NO .... and if you DON'T believe me .... I would gladly take a few days off from the excruciating pains .... BUT do You REALLY REALLY Want to take my place, do you really want to find out what it is like to be in my shoes, 

I AM NOT BRAVE, in any way shape or form, I am not being strong, I'm not even a particularly good guy, No what I am is a sad worthless useless human being, who having had warning after warning, still didn't change, still didn't learn until the day he was told he was DYING, 

Today my wife, my Angel, My Love has been sobbing her eyes out until they are red and sore, WHY ? Because I'm in such awful pain, and have not been coping the last few days, because I've been snappy and snarly , because I've begged to be allowed to Die, because I can't fight anymore, because I'm not Brave enough, I'm not Strong enough, Nor in any way shape or form AM I Good enough, 
Get it straight guys and gals, I'm DYING, not gracefully, not quietly, not with any kind of honour, NO I am DYING kicking and screaming into the fires of hell. .... or at least it feels very much like that, 

So turn around at look at your partner, imagine them crying, sobbing the worst you've ever seen them upset, now look back at yourself. .... You caused it, it's down to you that she's crying,you HUG for ages, but she's still got eyes full of tears, and each time she leaves the room you hear more sobbing, 

And now your hating yourself, but still the pain is intensifying, Still I beg for it to end, still I ring my mum aged 76, crying that I can't cope with anymore, 

Now you'll think me selfish, oh yes. .... I am selfish, I don't want to be in pain, but I still beg those I love to put me out of my misery, is it selfish to do that. .... Of course it is, but please tell me how not to be selfish in this situation, 

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Don't be like me, don't put all of this horror on to your partners, PLEASE Don't get in this state, Don't end up DYING in excruciating pain, but even more excruciatingly don't see them sob their heart out don't let them pray to take the pain for you, don't let them beg GOD to take them instead ( Yes I did overhear her !!! ), 

PLEASE keep your Diabetes in check, Eat Well, Stay Safe, Don't Die .... For a very very very long time ! 

PS to further explain the debilitating pains and physical difficulties, I should further explain this has taken me 2 Hours and 11. Minutes to type this post

Kman
30/11/13