My Fears

It isnt always about drama, or pain, or even believe it or not about the family, but sometimes it's about being quiet, sometimes it's about the loneliness that creeps over you when your not expecting it, 

Dying can be a more gentle fear, not the raving screaming fear like being attacked by thousands of Tax Men, No this is the self doubt, surrendering if things could have been different, if there is ANYTHING you could do to mend Wendies heart, anything to prevent Dayne feeling so angry he puts his forethought a door 5 times, 

Wondering if mum is really coming to terms with out living you, Wondering what kind of service you really want, 

I want my body to go to Medical Reseach, or if they have them here in the UK to a Body Farm, they have them in the US, 

One of my fears. ... is not achieving anything, and people putting me on a pedestal, believing me a Hero, when I can't reach such heights, I hate being seen as more than I am, 

Dying alone, My biggest fear of all, 

Dying in front of Wendie, I hate breaking her heart in anyway, 

Dying suddenly with no warning, No time for goodbyes, 

Saying Goodbye, I'm just 52, way too young, 

So many thing on my BUCKET LIST. There's absolutely no way to achieve most of them, even with a lottery win , 

Having a Bucket List, Admitting I'm dying, 

This thread, was one post, now so many readers, so much responsibility even when I feel so tired and I'll, 

This thread, such a comfort, so many new friends, such LOVE, EMPATHY and SUPPORT, 

Time to put my Life in order, 

A speedy death, with NO time for PAIN, 

I'm in less but still terrible pain since a change in my morphine, 

Please, I'm an ORDINARY man, nothing Special at all, 

But even so, Listen to me, learn from my mistakes, save yourself, 

Change your habits, Don't write another thread like this, 

Don't DIE, 

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T DIE 

For many many years to come !

Kman
17/1/14